A Friend Always Focuses On Her Topics: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

Our close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she's often blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her social circle drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on him. She was stunned by her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several close to her have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing time together, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I start subjects only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. My effort is to propose factchecking or other angles.

She has been arranging a holiday abroad I've visited many times even called home previously. I attempted to offer insights, but this was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I recently come back from four weeks in that country she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. It should be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Next is to express her how it makes you feel. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel are valid, after all. Finally is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider that she also has her own side, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore all you say, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they have a story about themselves they won't abandon because their very survival relies on it and it's all they trust. It's tough because there's no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react like this then consider on your words. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.